What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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