Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
