My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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