at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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