Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i will never coherently bang her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
