Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize