Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
