Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
