shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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