the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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