This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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