all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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