If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
