they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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