thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
