There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
