I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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