So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
