She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
