I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
