sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
