I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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