Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
