why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
