So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
