The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
