My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
