If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
