I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
