Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
