how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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