The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
