I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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