There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
