We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
