I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
