OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
