and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize
