Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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