I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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