I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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