I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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