Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
