he shaved USA in his pubs
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
