Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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