Are we in a gay sports bar?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
