If that was your dad, he is hot
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
