I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
