So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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