it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just want nice things and good sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
