Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
