I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this hospital has no fireball
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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