bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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