My sheets look like a crime scene.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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