I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
