Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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