Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
