Having a random hookup so left but love u
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
