Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
ok first of all what the fuck
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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