just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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