Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
