the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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