then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
