He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
