When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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