Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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