me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
