I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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