My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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