well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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