he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
