Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
