thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
