That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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