She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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