You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
