I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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