I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize